December 2020
For almost a year, my husband of 2 decades has put a lot of effort into keeping you a secret. I would like to say that I was surprised by the news, but it wasn’t the action, rather the timing that threw me a curveball. He generally saves these sorts of surprises for a more dramatic cat and mouse game. One he claims to hate but is always the first to roll the dice and begin. Blurting out this truth was most likely a mistake due to copious amount of alcohol, or it could be that he was just angry at me over something stupid and needed this harsh reality to shock me into panic mode. In the past it’s lead to negotiations and compromise to keep the family together, an automatic response or learned behavior on my part.
Yes, I said, before. You are certainly not the first. The circumstances of contact may be different, the situation more physical, but I can assure you his loyalty has always been in question. I stopped counting after around 10. I will say that you have the privilege of being the last, at least for me. He presents this situation as if he wouldn’t be broken up whether you stay or go. He speaks of you as simply an arrangement he could have taken or left-and that you feel the same. It’s hard to imagine two people being so callous, emotionless about such a hurtful act. He’s become very good at lying to me, as well as himself, so I have to take everything he says as, at the very least a half truth if not a full blown deception.
He’s been consistent in throwing all the classic excuses for having an affair as an explanation. All of which have been met by me, head on and proven to be complete bull shit. My answer is there’s no justification for any of it. Neither of us has an excuse for cheating. We both came from previous relationships as victims of infidelity. Both adamant that we would never put another human being through that pain. But over time, the more I tried to keep us together, the more he danced in the grey areas and pulled further and further from his family.
Family, It’s not just me that is affected by this. He says you’re a mother. I can’t imagine that your ‘devil may care’ attitude would prevail if your child were hurt by someone. Yet you participate in actions that will harm someone else’s child emotionally. Would my husband have strayed anyway if you were not his accomplice? Most definitely. But it intrigues me how narcissistic society has become. Nothing ever matters unless it affects them directly. Empathy is a thing of the past. Screw the rest of the world.
My first reaction was to chastise you. To bless you out. To rage, insult you, simply put, to hurt you as you hurt me. Lord knows through the years, I became an expert at ripping apart the “other woman”. My skills are pretty impressive if I do say so myself. However tonight during a random tit for tat with my soon to be ex, I found myself in a very odd position. The subject of facing you, receiving an explanation, some sort of closure from this woman he describes as “just soooooo easy”, seemed to kick off a familiar attitude. The non involvement clause of being in a relationship of any kind with him was triggered. No one is aware of it before entering into his company. Years and years of stirring up trouble, pitting people against each other, being right in the center of a hellacious shit storm and swirling right along with it, and when it all comes tumbling down, he walks away with his hands up. Chaos he participates in and creates suddenly becomes “not my problem” and “none of my business”. Yes, that is what he said regarding you. Wiping his brow declaring his hatred of drama, all the while laughing at the results. My dear woman, do not expect him to ever defend you or take your side with anything. Especially if you’re not present to see his cowardice in person. And if he does tell you he did, it’s a lie, a show that will serve a bigger purpose in the future. It’s not genuine.
Tonight, he completely threw the woman he’s used for sex the past 10 months, to the wolves. No remorse or regret. And the crazy part is, he would watch me tear you apart, have a good chuckle, wait what he considers an acceptable amount of time, and then hit you up again. I know this because it’s happened before. And if you’re like all the others, you’ll forgive him.
Tonight, I found myself defending you. I could not believe it. Do I like you? Absolutely not. Do I forgive you? Hell no. But I happen to believe that when you enter into an agreement, good or bad, it should be a ride or die situation. You both participated, you both should stand together. That’s what’s right.
That’s my downfall though isn’t it? Thinking about what’s right. Two people engaging in such disgusting acts of selfishness aren’t thinking about what’s right. But I do. Every culture, throughout time has a word or phase for it. Reap what you sow, karma, every action has an equal opposite reaction, what goes around comes around. In my younger days, I rained damnation on many a home wrecker. It requires a lot of anger and energy. Energy that I simply do not have anymore. Whether you stay with him or not, I have faith that the Universal law of balance will have its way with both of you. And this fight, as much as I would love it, does not have to be mine. This one I’m going to leave to a higher power. However, if there’s a chance for a cheap shot, am I going to take it? Yeah probably......Oh who am I kidding, of course I will! But that’s my part to play in all this, I deserve to get that jab in. Consider it payment for having your back, when your lover ran the other way .
Still, I do not single you out to blame in all this. You are a willing participant but, there would be no sin to share in, had my husband not gone in search of it. I’m not blind to that fact. However, this is your letter, not his. He is well aware of my feelings toward his actions. As I sort through my own feelings and move forward with my life, I’m comforted by these words written, describing the other woman. Not only does this hold true for you, but for all the other women who provided entertainment and distraction in this relationship that I tried so desperately to salvage.
“She accepts the very worst parts of the wayward husband; the liar, the cheater, the deceiver, the broken man. His behavior is lower than low, but that’s ok with her. She accepts trashy behavior, because she is trash and has no conscience. She has no self esteem because she knows her value-her value as the weakest most injured of the herd. She accepts his cheating ways and lowlife behavior because she knows her place in the pack-and it’s at the end of the row. Bringing up the rear.”
I don’t know who wrote this. I wish I did! I want to give them not only credit but a high five. If anyone knows, please tell me, so I can post their name all over it. They were spot on. You may be the other woman,but I’m the better woman. You can sleep with him, I prefer to sleep alone. There will be wounds inflicted on you that you never see coming, scabs that slowly turn to scars. But when the man you choose belongs to another, expecting Prince Charming is nothing but fantasy. God will not bless a union born from chaos and pain inflicted on others. After the hell I’ve been through over the past two decades, I can honestly say that despite the gut wrenching heartache, I appreciate the freedom that will come from this. You and he deserve each other.
It would be selfish and petty of me to hope that when the Storm hits, you think of me, finally understanding how I feel. I will however, wish you Good Luck, Hun. It won’t help, but You’re gonna need it.
