Interruptions

Have you ever wanted to tell someone something, whether it be important news or random conversation, and right in the middle they bring up an entirely different subject. As if the words you were selecting so carefully were but a whistle of wind passing through their ears? Sharing information through conversation brings people together. It is a social concept that bonds groups and individuals to each other through shared experiences, laughter, tears, joy.  A person desperate to make a connection with someone looks for opportunities to find that connection.  It happens to me a lot. Not only with my husband but with friends and family, even co workers.  My natural speech is slow and deliberate, yet I find myself rushing my thoughts passed my lips in an attempt to get them out before someone more important begins their thoughts over top of mine mid sentence. Or I end up repeating myself or continuing to "beat a dead horse" simply because I'm afraid that they haven't really been listening. And Knowing that what I say will be forgotten two beers later ... well that just freaking sucks. Not to mention makes me feel like crap.

Tonight many are glued to the tv watching Hurricane Irma roll in.  I have family in Florida and have kept in touch with the latest on evacuations, flood and wind protection, and supply gathering. A conversation with my husband began about the storm. I said, " I was talking to my cousin's wife today and she said their area can withstand winds up to 115 mph. I saw in the news it should downgrade to a category 2 by the time it reaches them but I think the mph is still above that. I think they are....."
"Dang, Troy Gentry died."
I was thrown by the random comment. And wasn't quite clear about what just happened. "Who, uh who is that?" I asked. He responds " you know, the country singer." Oh yes I know that person. A brief synopsis was discussed about him and what happened. The interruption was so common that I didn't even realize it at first.  I have been doing a lot of self discovery lately however, and as the chat died down, it dawned on me that I had not finished my thought.
"You know," I said, " I was talking about my family before you inte..."
"Oh yeah sorry ." ((Fluffs pillow)) "Hey, don't you have some family still in Florida? Or did they move?"
"I was actually talking about just that."
"Oh ok sorry". ((Shuffle shuffle flip )) as he gets comfortable enough to relax.
"Man, I have not slept in so long. My insomnia is killing me...." and that ended the evening before he began to softly snore.

Times like these I truly try to be objective and honest with myself.  Was I overreacting? Could he have thought I was finished speaking? Was what I was saying even worth listening to?  My mind drifts back to a session with our marriage counselor during one of the sessions that my husband could not make. I was crying quietly and saying that maybe everybody would be happier without me around. What did I have to offer anyone?
This burly, retired Sgt Major turned therapist leans in and softly says, "((Insert my name))  he has made you feel unworthy. We have to get you to understand the value you hold."
This stood out to me, because up to this point all the couples counseling had been very unbiased. Two people in a room facing a  neutral party to translate and sometime referee the session.  This time he was very blunt and to the point. Opening his mouth and sharing his actual opinion. Not very textbook. But I guess that's the difference between couples counseling and individual counseling. One on one and the gloves come off so to speak.  It was at this same session that he told me that he felt my husband had RAD, reactive attachment disorder . A diagnosis that changed my attitude toward whether my marriage could or would stand the test of time.... but that is another story for another time.  Just remember, no matter the relationship, listening is the key to closeness. Not only bonding and building trust, but triggering something inside the person sharing. Telling them, they are important, they have merit.  Listen to those you care for and they will listen to you.  Let them roll over and feel at peace with the life they are living, rather than feeling empty and full of self doubt.