Wow, it’s been over 3 years since I’ve been on here. How crazy is that? Time seems to slip by so much faster, the older you get. Moments are more precious when you realize how few could be left. Reading back through my blogs, so much has happened, but so much has stayed the same. I have traveled. Ireland was a big trip. The whole family went. I’ll save the details for a separate post. We took a vacation to Utah to Arches National Park. The desert is magnificent. We are so far surviving the Covid insanity. Being essential has its perks. I haven’t felt the stress that many of my neighbors have. And I am thankful for that. The biggest news of all would be an upcoming divorce. That would be where things stayed the same I suppose.
It is a fairly new development actually. Something that came out of the blue. A week before Thanksgiving, after an all day beer marathon, my soon to be Ex downed an entire bottle of white wine, picked a fight, then stood up and announced he had a girlfriend and her name is Wendy. Most names in my blog I tinker with so some sense of privacy remains. But if you are going to have an affair for almost a year with a married man you met off Tinder (allegedly), I figure who am I to worry about your reputation? It’s not like anybody worried about my feelings during any of this. As with Ireland, the details will come later, as I’m still processing it all. But I suppose I have moved past the sad phase and into angry.
Being sad or angry this time of year is tough. His timing in sharing his out of house hobby couldn’t have been worse. During the first week alone, I had to look at his face THREE separate days. The oldest child’s birthday, Thanksgiving (my favorite holiday), and the youngest child’s birthday. That week however, he had the decency to come, stay as long as absolutely necessary then leave. As the weeks ticked by, he started to become more comfortable getting back into the regular routine of coming home on the weekends after working out of town (a whole hour away). The past two weekends he’s stayed over night , which has done nothing but rub me the wrong way. But it’s the holidays and upsetting the children isn’t on my to do list, so for them and the sake of what will likely be the last Christmas we have, in a traditional sense with each other, I’ll deal with it. Besides, boundaries have never been something I am proficient in. I generally have to work up to it.
I absolutely love the holidays. Not so much for gifts, but for the atmosphere. Tonight is Christmas Eve. The tree is lit, the presents wrapped, dinner is finished. Normally we would have sent the kids off to bed by now to put some finishing touches on a few extra surprises we would have for them. The holiday teamwork is non existent this year. The gifts aren’t from “mom and dad” they are from either mom or dad. But so far the kids haven’t noticed. The kids are still awake and running around. I’m the one that went off to bed. Let them spend some time with Dad. Who knows what kind of arrangements will come after this. I haven’t played any Christmas music or made any cookies, even though I bought everything to make them. This year, I just keep waiting for it to be over. Hoping that once it’s done, I will see less of him and maybe I will have a chance to pull myself together.
In the meantime, I have enjoyed the lights. The Salmon was delicious (says the ashamed vegetarian). It was better than the Greek yogurt that pretty much has become all I’ve eaten the last month ( lost 12 pounds, cha-ching) . Jim Carrey brought me pleasure in watching The Grinch for the 50th time. There are little happy moments that have snuck in and surprised me. This time of year can be hard for so many people. I am still so fortunate. I am still so blessed. I still see beauty even during this painful time. Sitting here my thoughts are, even if it’s just for tonight, let’s all count our blessings instead of our problems. We will have plenty of time for the latter. Take time to smile and think about the good rather than the bad. So to you and yours, I hope you have a very Merry Christmas. 🎄 And here’s hoping 2021 has good things in store for all of us.
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